Our Ethiopian Adoption Journey

Landlocked, but together at last

2011-06-20T15:20:00.009-04:00

We moved! This will be a quick post as I take a break from the unpacking. (Will I ever be done?!) The Marine Corps has moved us to an Air Force base - smack dab in the middle of the country...Omaha, NE. I think I had wrapped my brain around the possibility of living in a lot of places, but here was not one of them. LOL! We are settling in and exploring our new surroundings. It is nice to finally be a complete family again! After a 6 month deployment and another 3 months of living apart (Sean in NE and the kids and I finishing up school in SC.), we needed some good quality family time. This was our 10th move. After every move, I typically rant and rave that "This will be my LAST move!". Omaha could turn out to be very nice, but I know I am not destined for retirement here. It is June and I wore a sweater this morning. If I survive 3 winters here, I am going to buy a t-shirt that says I did!

This morning I took Jack and Mae to their new pediatrician for check-ups. They gave me a intake form to analyze developmental milestones for children Mae's age. It was ridiculous. She had mastered nearly everything on the form. She scored about 10 months older than her listed birth date. This is probably the case. She turns 3 next months, but I think she is closer to 4.

It's time for some more unpacking, but I will leave you with some pics from our journey to Omaha!

"Yes, it does count."

2010-10-16T13:48:00.004-04:00

Our 10 year-old son, Ryan, came home from school this week and told me about what a classmate said to him.

Classmate: "That isn't your real sister."

Ryan: "She is my real sister. I adopted her from Ethiopia."

Classmate: "That doesn't count."

Ryan: "Yes, it does count."

A simple conversation that made me beam with pride. Ryan is a "thinker". He's that unemotional, intelligent, passive type of child so I'm certain he was very matter-of-fact during this discussion.

We decided to take him to Ethiopia with us because we knew the experience would impact his life forever. I've had the pleasure of watching the small ways it has changed his view on the world. I can't wait to see the kind of man he grows up to be!

"Single Mom-ing it"

2010-09-06T21:59:00.010-04:00

I have a lot of things that I'm proud of in my life...most notably, I am really proud to be married to my husband. I never really brag about him, so he will be surprised when he reads this! He really is super cool. Not only does he fly F-18 Hornets (supersonic jets designed for dogfighting and ground attacks) for the Marine Corps, but he is a loving father and husband who adores his family.

With the super cool job, comes the downside of separations and deployments. Quite frankly, my husband is gone a lot. Sometimes it's training exercises that last weeks and sometimes months, sometimes it's schools, and sometimes deployments. Deployments in the Marine Corps are typically 6-7 months long. My husband is on his 6th deployment right now.

My oldest son will be 10 this month and has survived every deployment alongside me. Ok, well, the first one he was growing in mom's belly, but that almost counts! He is an unsung hero in my eyes, sacrificing the gift of time with his father over and over again.

Our middle child is 4 years old and is living through deployment #3. He cried every night for his daddy during the last deployment. This time, he seems like an old pro and has adjusted to dad being gone.

Mae is 2 years old and was only with us 4 months before dad had to leave. Talk about confusing! None of us knew what to expect with her behavior. Now that we are two months into the deployment, I think it's safe to say she has had a smooth transition. I have kept the kids on a tight routine and this has been important. Also, they have each other to stay distracted. Mae had a chance to webcam with dad last week and her face lit up when she saw him! The downside is that she cried herself to sleep when daddy had to go.

Then...there's me. Afterall, it is MY blog and I can write about me if I want! Each deployment has offered different challenges. I have been pregnant, built a house, moved, been laid-off, been promoted, had surgery, done the adoption paperchase, and many many other things that would have been easier with my parter in life. Parenting during deployment aka "Single Mom-ing it" is always hard. I am having an especially difficult time balancing the demands of 3 children and a full-time job. It is a crazy life! I have been blessed with a wonderful team of people to work and look forward to seeing them everyday. They have experienced this journey to Ethiopia with us (in spirit!) and opened their hearts to Mae.

There is a good side to deployments...HOMECOMINGS! That won't be until early next year, but wait until you see those pics!

P.S. Mae isn't in the pics because she was at school that day. It was over 100 degrees and a 5 hour process, so I'm sure she was happier at school!

Six months home!

2010-08-31T21:53:00.006-04:00

U.S. Citizenship Complete

2010-07-30T22:36:00.004-04:00

Throughout the adoption process, there are so many moments that just take your breath away. Today was one of those. The lawyer handling our readoption (also a friend) sent me an email stating that Mae's adoption was officially recognized by the SC courts. This was done in SC without a hearing or any type of court appearance. Very easy. No fanfare. No pictures. Yet, when I received the email this afternoon simply stating that Mae officially became a U.S. citizen on July 28, 2010 my heart was full. We did it! My thoughts were flooded with the opportunity this will mean for her.

With adoption, there are always two sides to every happy moment. Grief and loss are never far behind a celebration. When I rocked my daughter to bed tonight I thought about this natural treasure that the country of Ethiopia provided to the U.S. I thought about the Ethiopian culture that Mae would never fully experience. And, of course, I thought about the family that she was even further removed from if that is even possible.

Conflicting emotions are nothing new when it comes to being adoptive parents. It's beautiful. It's awful. Mae's 2nd birthday was a fun-filled party with friends. It's also not her real birthday, but the anniversary of the day her father took her to the orphanage. I love that Mae's a U.S. citizen. I hate that she's no longer an Ethiopian citizen. I love that she is our daughter. I hate that she is no longer with her birth family.

Mae will grow up to love her U.S. citizenship. I know that because we are a military family who eats, lives, and breathes patriotism. Love of country is required in this family. It's how we survive deployments and other long separations. It's how we thrive move after move. Mae will love her U.S. citizenship, but she will never forget her Ethiopian heritage. That is my promise to the people of Ethiopia, her birthfamily, and especially to Mae.

Ethiopia Orphans March 2010

2010-07-11T00:41:00.001-04:00

While in Addis Ababa, we visited some government orphanages. These children welcomed us with open arms.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Forever Day

2010-06-15T21:18:00.007-04:00

I've watched this same video in so many other blogs...only this time OUR child was being delivered, WE were the family waiting at Bejoe, and the long-awaited dream was becoming a reality.

The Flight Over - Saturday Feb 27, 2010

2010-06-14T19:45:00.008-04:00

What a thrill! After 18 months of anticipation, we were off to pick-up our daughter. We flew from Savannah to Reagan National to board our Ethiopian Airlines flight. With the help of some Ambien, it was fairly painless. I will say, use the rest room early...then hold it! LOL! It got very unpleasant toward the end of the flight. Speaking of restrooms...that is a word you may want to learn in Amharic. I nearly had to do charades with the security guard at the airport in Addis Ababa when we landed. Oh...there are so many restroom stories from our trip! If you are flying Ethiopian Airlines, I can't recommend the beef, chicken, or fish over the other. They all get a 4 on a scale of 1-10.

Picture Updates

2010-06-13T14:07:00.001-04:00

May 24, 2010

May 13, 2010

Mother's Day picnic at Mae's school

Blog Silence

2010-06-13T11:44:00.005-04:00

I get it now. While we were waiting for our daughter, I became a blog addict. I stalked blogs and anxiously shared updates with our own blog readers. However, I noticed that once people returned home with their children there were few updates and sometimes people just retired their blogs. I chalked it up to just being too busy as new parents. Maybe that is true. My absence was for a different reason...pure incapability. How do I begin to explain what all we had seen, experienced, and felt in Ethiopia? There is just too much and my words will surely fall short. I hope the memories are branded into my brain. I hope that my son, who traveled with us, will always remember the tear he cried when our daughter's birthfather hugged him. I hope that I always remember what poor really means and that it doesn't go away just because I can't see it. I hope that one day our family can travel back to Ethiopia and meet more of our daughter's birth family. I hope one day I will be worthy of this enormous gift that the people of Ethiopia have entrusted me with.

Moments after receiving Selame.

Ryan (age 9) and Selame at BeJoe.

What a trip it was...

2010-03-12T13:01:00.004-05:00

I wrote this on March 12 (two days after we returned from Ethiopia), but didn't post for some reason. Today is June 14th. Hope this info helps future travelers!

Lifechanging...that's the only word to describe it. We now have our daughter home and in our arms. There is so much to tell, but for now I will focus on advice for future travelers.

* Bejoe Guest House - Thank you to the staff there! We will truly miss our friend, Genet, who made us feel like family. I could have talked to Genet for hours about anything. Also, we lucked out and had a fantastic group of people traveling with us! The travel packet says the conjoined rooms are full-size beds, but they are queens. The single rooms are listed as having queen size beds, but they are kings. Hope this helps! Oh, I almost forgot...they do laundry there for guests. Everything is handwashed and line-dried. Keep this in mind if you don't like to see your "drawers" hanging out for the world to see. You may want to pack enough clean underwear for your entire trip.

* National Museum - Visit the museum and see the home of "Lucy" and other early hominids. It is the chance of a lifetime. However, do not use the bathroom there!!! It is outside and super nasty. I was desperate though. :-(

* Smog - It's worse than I imagined. Not much you can do about it, but thought I would warn you! I brought some visine that seemed to help.

* Visiting foster care center for coffee ceremony - My daughter flipped out and didn't want to be there. She wouldn't go to any of the caregivers and cried the entire time. Some of the older kids had problems there too.

* Birth family meeting/government-run orphanage visits - This is all done on the same day and may be the most heart-breaking day of your life. Prepare questions in advance for your birth family meeting and bring them with you. We also wrote a short paragraph ahead of time and read it to start the meeting. Bring your camera to the orphanages with you. The children love having their pics taken.

Today is the day!

2010-02-27T09:12:00.002-05:00

We are all packed and ready to go! Just a few more hours before we leave for the airport. Cannot wait to meet our travel buddies today...and our little princess on Monday! Wow...I cannot believe this is finally happening!!!!!!

12 Days...

2010-02-15T14:29:00.002-05:00

Yep, we leave in 12 days! I'm still waiting for the crib hardware to arrive (long story) and finding a voltage converter that can accomodate a hair dryer. There are a few other things to do here and there, but I think most everything is done! We have most of our bags packed, paperwork ready to go, and we even have the carseat installed.

Oh yeah, cash! We still have to figure out the cash part. We need $100 bills newer than 2002. We have banked online with USAA since 2000 and do not have a local bank. We are self-professed banking "dummies"...embarassing, but true! Banking to us consists of ATMs, scanning deposits, online payments, and e-mailing associates. We have never needed cash that we couldn't just pull from an atm machine. If I get the cash I need from an ATM machine, can I just walk into a local bank and request to exchange the $20s for new $100s?

Update

2010-02-14T17:37:00.002-05:00

Gladney sent us our final update on Selame. We were thrilled to see her wearing the dress we sent her.

Unfortunately, she is just getting over infantigo. However, we are so thankful for the tremendous amount of care she was given to heal quickly.

Ethiopian Courier Here!

2010-02-04T19:01:00.002-05:00

If anyone would like for us to take a care package to the Gladney care center, please let me know. I would love to be able to do this for another family. We travel Feb 27th, so there is plenty of time. :-)

2010-01-25T21:09:00.000-05:00

Make a Smilebox photobook

We PASSED!!!!!!!!

2010-01-25T18:03:00.004-05:00

Introducing Selame...

Our travel dates are tentatively March 1-8. More to come!

Carepackage is in Ethiopia!

2010-01-20T21:42:00.003-05:00

Thank you to this wonderful family for generously offering us precious space in their luggage to send a carepackage to our darling girl. They are in Ethiopia now picking up their baby...and delivering our package. :-) We sent a little dress, a lovey, and a family photo book. I hope it makes her smile!

Flashback to our Referral Day

2010-01-17T13:38:00.007-05:00

For those of you who don't know...I hate writing. Consequently, I hate blogging. Now, I LOVE reading other Gladney adoption blogs and have a slight addiction to reading them, but I hate updating my own. Since I'm not a great writer, I know I can never adequately explain certain significant events...like the day a family receives a long awaited referral. It has been over a month now, but I'd like to share the events of the day with my faithful readers! (All three of you! LOL!)

Sean and I work on base together about a half a mile apart. I was in my office (with no cell service) where I'm the director for a small division when the internet down in the building. One of the trainers was in the middle of giving a class and came to me for help to get her presentation back up. We located a back-up disk and got things rolling when Sean popped up in my office unexpectedly. He just stared at me with big eyes and didn't say anything. I could tell something was going on and said "What?! Are you mad about something???" He said "Sara called. She has a referral for us." To which I immediately replied "But the internet is down!!!". For those of you who don't know, to receive your referral...the caseworker has you sit down at a computer and emails you the pictures and documents while walk through it all with you. We had planned to do this in my office since Sean shares an office with other people. After some debating, we decided to go back to his office, kick his co-workers out, and receive the referral there.

To put it mildly, receiving a referral is one of the most emotional, beautiful, heartwrenching moments you can ever expereince. It's full of the excitement and happiness of receiving a child as well as the painful grief that comes from another family's loss. It is a sobering reality to know how this child became an orphan. Life can be cruel and unfair. The responsibility this family has entrusted to us is enormous. I do believe she comes from a family who love her very much and were in a hopeless situation.

All in all, receiving the referral was magical! I would have to compare it to the bliss of finding out you are pregnant after trying for many months. I could think of nothing else for the rest of the day and proceeded to show off her referral pic to everyone I saw that day! Ok, it's 5 weeks later and I'll admit I still do that! LOL! There was not a moment of doubt for either of us whether to accept the referral, so we officially accepted in writing the next day.

Here's Part 1 of the video when we told the boys that night. It's actually quite comical...and we did take a break so Jack could "go!". ;-) Part II has our daughter's pictures in them, so I will post after we pass court.

Bummer!

2010-01-13T21:17:00.001-05:00

We were told the wrong court date. There was a miscommunication and should have been given a court date of January 25th. It's a disappointment, but this is out of our hands. So we continue to wait...

"Next Friday"

2010-01-06T20:25:00.004-05:00

Sean and I carpooled into work together yesterday. On the way home, my cell rang and it was Sara (our caseworker). She said she was calling with a court date. We were expecting the call to come, but when I asked her what the date was I wasn't prepared..."next Friday". Huh? I couldn't have heard her right. "What? When? What do you mean?" I said. For some reason "next Friday" had multiple meanings and must have meant anything OTHER than "next Friday". "January 15th is your court date!" she confirmed. WOW!!! We thought for sure it would be in February. Hopefully, this is a good sign!!! So...here we are...next Friday we could officially be mom and dad to a beautiful little girl. :-)

I have so much to do!!!!!! LOL!

Looking for a Carepackage Courier!

2009-12-12T08:48:00.000-05:00

If anyone is traveling in the near future, we would like to send a small carepackage with you for our beautiful princess. Sara, at Gladney, suggested a large ziplock with an outfit, a family picturebook, and an easy to wash/durable toy. If you are willing to carry this to our little girl, please send me an email at mjhenr@hotmail.com. We would be very grateful!

Additional carepackage ideas are also welcome! Thank you!

REFERRAL DAY!!! :-)

2009-12-08T17:55:00.000-05:00

It happened! We received a referral this morning for an adorable 16 month-old little girl. I've been staring at her pictures for a solid 7 hours now and haven't gotten much of anything else done!

Unofficially...

2009-12-05T13:23:00.000-05:00

According to the unofficial Gladney list...there is only ONE family ahead of us waiting for a 0-18 month-old female. However, there are a ton (ok, like four) waiting for 0-12 month-old female. Then there are some others waiting for a 0-6 month old female and others waiting for either gender, but for whatever reason I decided not to count them. ;-)

I have decided to focus on the ONE family ahead of us though! LOL! When I say "focus"... I mean stalk! They have been waiting about 3 months longer than us so I hope they get good news soon. We are rooting for you!

Telling the Boss

2009-12-02T18:50:00.000-05:00

Today I had a chance to sit down with my supervisor and notify him of our adoption plans. My husband and I will be sharing childcare responsibilities for the first 4-6 weeks. Ideally, each of us will work every other day. I manage a small division in the organization and have a self-sufficient staff, but there are a few responsibilities that only I can do. My boss was extremely supportive and offered me the opportunity to work from home some of the time if I needed. Yay! I had to resist reaching over the desk to give him a big hug!

Just passing some time...

2009-12-01T20:21:00.001-05:00

As we get closer to our referral, I notice I'm scrounging for more and more information. I'm searching the other blogs for referral information and have become slightly addicted to the unofficial Gladney waitlist. Wow...we are going to really have a little girl soon!

I'm going to post some recent pics of us to try to make my blog less boring! ;-)

Three and a half Months on Waitlist

2009-11-28T13:54:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately, there is no news to report. We're still waiting, but are getting closer to placement every day! Today marks 3 1/2 month's on the waiting list. We are hoping for a Christmas referral, but realistically it will probably be later. Maybe January? I feel like we should have a pool going just to pass the time. :-) I'll take January 14th. Any other guesses?

WAITLIST!!!

2009-08-19T19:52:00.000-04:00

As of Friday, 8/14/2009, we have officially been placed on the waiting list! Our dossier is being sent to Washington DC for final authentications. From June 2009 to July 2009, on average, families who received referrals waited 8 months to receive a referral for a child age 0-12 months, and families waited 4 months to receive a referral for a child age 13 months and older. We have requested a little girl between 3-18 months. This could potentially mean a referral for us right around Christmastime!

To celebrate, we started getting our baby's room ready over the weekend. The toys have been moved out of the toy room and we moved around some furniture. Things seem to really be moving along now!

2009-05-14T19:42:00.000-04:00

CONGRATULATIONS! You are now Gladney approved and ready to begin the referral phase of your adoption process.

That is the email we received yesterday from our adoption agency. It has taken many months, but we are finally being waitlisted. We now have a Caseworker who focuses on Ethiopian adoptions.

CIS Approved!

2009-05-03T13:12:00.000-04:00

I got tired of looking at a stack on mail in the mudroom, so I started going through it today. About halfway through it I saw it...the envelope from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services! It's the approval we've been waiting for! Our international adoption agency and the local adoption agency that did our homestudy have been bantering back and forth on how to proceed without this document, but this will put an end to that.

The document has been forwarded the National Visa Center for processing with the embassy in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We have been approved for 2 children up to 36 months of age. (Our request with the adoption agency still remains for a female child under the age of 18 months.)

This is a HUGE milestone in the adoption process...especially since we submitted this application almost 7 months ago.

YAY!!!! :-)

The Dossier

2009-02-08T13:34:00.000-05:00

Pronounced (dough-see-ay)

This is the documentation that actually goes to the US State Department and then onto the Ethiopian government. Everything must be authenticated, notartized, and EXACTLY a certain way...(meaning on specific letterhead, dated a certain way, with notarized signatures of a lot of people other than us).

What's in the dossier?

Letter stating reason for adopting from Ethiopia
● Photos of applicant (s) and home (6-10)
● CIS approval
● Home Study with Agency License
● Employment Letter (s)
● Financial Statement
● Birth Certificates (s)
● Marriage Certificate
● Medical letter (s)
● Police letters (s)
● Three (3) signed reference letters from non-relatives
● Letter of Obligation / Post Placement - Family
● Letter of Commitment / Post Placement
● Passport ID page (s)'

We are close to being done with this. Some of the documents need to be redone because the notary's signature expires too early. It's been frustrating...especially since I have to have my medical form redone after it took 2 dr's visits, 3 phone reminders, 3 trips, and 4 weeks to get it done the first time.

We will keep you posted!

Agency paperwork is in!

2008-12-26T14:16:00.000-05:00

We have FINALLY completed everything required for Carolina Hope (the SC adoption agency) and for Gladney (the international adoption agency). It has been frustrating and time consuming to say the least. There have been many people involved in getting us to this point and we can't thank them enough. HUGE thanks goes to our friends who wrote the letters of recommendation...twice...and then still had to get them notorized.

There are still more paperwork hurdles ahead of us. The dossier (which is the paperwork that goes to the State Department and then to the Ethiopian courts) still must be completed. There are requirements that just make me shake me head wondering how I will ever get them completed in the correct manner.

We hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! We celebrated our last one as a family of four...fingers crossed!

Home Study Complete!

2008-11-02T09:08:00.000-05:00

It has been a busy few weeks. We received a letter from USCIS on a Monday saying we had an appointment on Thursday for biometrics in Charleston. Thankfully we were able to make the appointment since there was no time to change it. The trip was actually quite pleasant, USCIS was very clean, quiet and expeditious!

Yesterday we had a visit from a Carolina Hope Christian Adoption Agency representative for our home study. Having read numerous accounts on the internet we were sure the only thing guaranteed with a home study is that everyone's experience is different! We sat and talked with the kids here for about and hour and a half then spent about 15 minutes walking around the house, showing him the baby's room etc. All in all it was extremely pleasant and actually enjoyed the conversation!

On Sunday, we received an email from the gentleman who did the home study and he has completed his draft report. Things seem to be moving along very quickly at this point. We also contacted KBS Dossier services to assist in completing and authenticating our documentation.

Back on Track

2008-08-24T14:47:00.000-04:00

We've had a few emotional weeks that has put us back a few weeks in our adoption paperwork. One reason being the reaction we received from some family members who were less than enthusiastic about our news. That was hard to swallow and we were disappointed that they didn't support our decision to adopt.
More devastating for us was the loss of our friend, Garrett "Tubes" Lawton. Garrett was a USMC Captain, age 31, who was killed in Afghanistan by an IED on August 4th. He leaves behind his wife Trish and two little boys 6 and 4. http://www.wtoctv.com/Global/story.asp?S=8844583

"She's already there..."

2008-07-21T20:36:00.000-04:00

Those are the words that took my breath away today. We were on a conference call with Debra, a Gladney Family Advocate, when she explained that the child we will be adopting has probably already been born and is already at the orphanage. It's a hard concept to wrap my brain around that our child is already out there...and we don't know who it is yet!

Debra went over a lot of details with us and emailed a 55-page document including the adoption process, costs, forms, contacts, resource info, etc. Apparently, we haven't sent in the official adoption application yet. We have to purchase the application for $300. She also told us to start getting our shots for the trip to Ethiopia: yellow fever, Hep A and B, typhoid, meningitis, rabies (optional), and polio (booster required). Of course Sean has been vaccinated for all of those (except rabies) and I have been vaccinated against none of those. Surprisingly (at least for me), there is no malaria risk in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Ahhh...Addis Ababa...she's already there!

Application is in!

2008-07-14T22:17:00.000-04:00

Well, we decided to just jump in and do it so we submitted the adoption application to Gladney Center for Adoption last night along with our $50 fee. The agency seems reputable and the referral wait time is reasonable. Some agencies are terribly long! We thought for sure someone from the agency would have contacted us this morning, but no luck. Sean ended up emailing them tonight to move it along. We still have so much to do, but we have officially started!

July 8, 2008 – Consultation with Adoption Specialist

2008-07-08T22:08:00.000-04:00

We spent about 45 minutes on the phone with Nicole, a Military OneSource adoption specialist, this evening. She pretty much reiterated everything we had researched on our own. There were a few things we were even more knowledgeable on. She and her research team are going to put some agency recommendations together for us and provide information on grant resources.

July 6, 2008 - Ethiopia it is!

2008-07-08T22:07:00.000-04:00

After some brief internet research, we’ve decided to target Ethiopia. The adoption program is currently open to US citizens, the wait is feasible (6-9 months versus China’s 3 year wait!), and the trip to Ethiopia to get the child will only require 1 week (versus 3 weeks to China). The cost of adoption is significant and will probably end up being around 20k. It’s enough to really make you think twice. Military families are eligible for a 2k reimbursement and the government allows a 10k tax deduction for adoptive families. British Airways offers a 65% reduced fare for adoptive parents traveling to pick up a child overseas. That’s a significant amount considering airfare is about $2800/person. We talked to Ryan at dinner about the whole idea. He was a little apprehensive, but I don’t think he understood. He kept focusing on the fact that mom and dad had to go to Africa. After some conversation and further explaining he seemed excited about the idea of having a sister. I contacted Military One Source for information on adoption and they are setting us up with an Adoption Specialist to discuss agencies and financial considerations.

July 5, 2008 – Hey, Let’s adopt!

2008-07-08T22:03:00.000-04:00

This evening Sean and I decided to adopt a little girl from overseas. Yep, just like that...pretty much out of the blue. Adoption is always something I’ve wanted to do, but I was surprised when Sean was the one to suggest it. Why adoption and not just make a baby? Well, I think the appeal for us is the humanitarian piece and the potential to offer a child a better quality of life.